Thursday, July 5, 2012

surprises

This is undoubtedly God's blessing and His work, not necessarily identified by the difficulties and the way it isn't exactly "easy" but instead, by my giggle ---basically I smile like a fool in the midst of hardship, because of His presence.

I watch myself trusting His plan because I have learned intimately how my plans brought death and despair. 
There is joy where I now experience lack, because I remember how the bounty nearly broke me.

His ways are not my ways. Why am I always so surprised?

Monday, April 16, 2012

where next?

"And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place,  that they should seek God, and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us..."

As we wonder about our next dwelling, I love the way He shows me Himself.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

My semester

Before my  9 am class every Tues/Thur I go to the local Panera for an hour to sit and enjoy myself after dropping off my daughter.

I have met the couple whose husband's health is declining and his humor just increases--Always a jolly "hello, this chair is open for you" invitation.

There is the table of seniors who share life...some married, most not. They pass stories and photographs while enjoying their toast and coffee.


There is usually a couple of senior guys at their own table, nonchalontly scanning the restaureant while discussing man things in their deep voices.


And
there is the great grandpa with the charming smile who comes over to me each week to flirt with me shamelessly. He brightens my morning with stories of his sassy, great-granddaughters, his troublemaking youth, his German speaking adoptive parents, his rich family life....


He calls me toots, and cutie,and beautiful. He discovered today I was a "frau" not a "fraulein" much to his "disappointment".
He mingles expletives, flirtations and hilarious stories with ease. Oh how the girls must have fallen for him and his Irish Catholic charm.
I think I need to take another class next semester! :)

Friday, March 16, 2012

Friends/Family/Family of God






I know what family is. I know the good of it and the bad of it. I know basically they are stuck with me and I am stuck with them----Whether we like it or not.


Perhaps I thought the family that God brought together was a rosy, glowy, better version of that.
"My brother and sister in Christ..." 
ya know?
The main difference between earthly families and "the Body of Christ" is Jesus. Because let's face it, the family Jesus has brought together is made of the same messy people.  

(Ephesians 4:9-16 ESV) 


He/Jesus
makes the Body...

He/Jesus
is the Head...

And He/Jesus
gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers,
(why did HE give us these giftings?) to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ,
(what does the "fullness of Christ" NOT look like?) so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes.
(what does that "fullness of Christ" look like?) Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way
into Him, who is the Head,
into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.

I've learned, when Jesus steps in, gently showing me the way He views things, it is always quite backwards-y. (from my human perspective). 
In a recent heartache, the Body of Christ that I am a part of changed and became something very different.

Jesus' perspective makes me dizzy and a bit catywompus, so I am glad He doesn't crash Truth on me in huge doses. 
My husband just had a stroke. It crashed in on Him and he said it felt like he was quite outside of Himself and looking in. He saw himself acting drunk (which he's never been). He saw himself having no control which I suppose is a pretty good description of how it feels when God gives me a glimpse into His Truth. 

whoa!! I'm really that "off", God??

The Body of Christ, that I am a part of, is being shifted 
into Christ like Paul tried to share to the Ephesians.

Not the way I would have imagined, because it involved the leaving of dear ones...with no explanation...with no warning.
But srangely enough, we who remain are now experiencing how
He is the one who has "joined and held us together". We are learning that
He is the one "equipping" us now and "enabling each of us to work properly". And we will continue to watch with great hope because of His faithfulness to see how
He will "make this body grow so that it builds itself up in LOVE."







Friday, March 9, 2012

Tests


Early this week I had a big accounting test, and life of course, is a test.  Last time I had an accounting test I studied like crazy...and got a sty in my eye. This time a new sty appeared and I had an ongoing headache and anxiety.  
I found out that I got a 96% and instead of relief, I just felt like crying...

Funny how the verse I read that morning was Jesus' words:
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.
I have so much to learn.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

What is ministry?





Our friend and pastor wove Randy's story and his most recent sermon series on Philippians into this beautiful blog entry. Read, be blessed and consider "ministry" anew...

Monday, March 5, 2012

1 Cor 13 for my sister's wedding

I shared this at my sister's wedding in our home 2/26/2012...
Randy and I are going on 25 years of marriage this May. It isn't because we know more than others whose marriages don't last that long, or we had our crap together more...(anyone who knows us knows that is not true.) We have failed each other and our children. We are not perfect and therefore won't offer advice or words of wisdom on how to "do" this thing called marriage.
But one thing I can say without hesitation...our lives together, our marriage, has been a vehicle to show us each more clearly God's grace in our lives.
Barb suggested I share the passage from 1 Corinthians on love.
" Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends."
Before this familiar passage, Paul also talked about life without real love --- What's sad is that this type of life can actually look pretty perfect from the outside.
"If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. (another version says clanging cymbals) If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love."

If I just shared with you about Randy and I and our nearly 25 years together, and left it at that. It might leave you feeling a little empty. Why? Because it is an example of those clanging cymbals Paul mentioned. Honestly, if I just read the passage on love alone it can be clanging cymbals too.
If I pointed to certain things you should "do" to have a successful marriage, it will all go nowhere and end up being just like the sound of a creaky gate...
This love is difficult... You know why? Because it is absolutely necessary and at the same time absolutely impossible. Wow, thanks Lori! That was inspiring! :)
Well here comes a little more inspiration...
Sometime in the future, when everything plays itself out and you go to that naturally selfish place and become ugly towards each other, or when you convince yourselves of how right you are and how much you deserve whatever you think you deserve and there seems to be a big gulf between you instead of this beautiful moment you are sharing today. You will want to know how to experience that impossible kind of love from 1 Cor 13 and The only true example of this kind of love was God's love for us through Jesus.
Listen to this story that Paul describes and see how it mirrors you when you are at a loss with someone you love. This however, is God's love story to us.
"It wasn't so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesn't know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief, and then exhaled disobedience. We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It's a wonder God didn't lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us."
Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! ... Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it.

Making up...reconciling is the best! It's a huge weight off of our hearts, right? God had to deal with our ugliness towards him because there wasn't anything we could do to make it all right. That is why there is hope...not just a lumpy couch to sleep on in the middle of a dark night, figuratively speaking.
So now what do we do with this love God has shown us...In Philippians Paul suggests something not too far from 1 Corinthians 13-
"If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.
Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn't think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn't claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death.
I have seen this in action. God's grace shines through Randy....I've even seen it shine through me at times. It is the only way we have experienced true love these 25 years- Him through us. I pray that for you.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Rock in my road




"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You.  Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal."  Is 26:3-4




I used to read this verse and think I needed to try harder to have that "steadfast - forever trusting" kind of mind.

I'm Thanking Jesus today that He is the Rock in my road.
There is no trying on my part.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

oh, how things can change!

Hard to believe that one weekend away my husband Randy and I were having a self proclaimed perfect weekend away.
One week later...4 days ago, Randy had a stroke.

I haven't really allowed myself to feel anything but thankfulness along the way. The initial terror I felt was nearly incapacitating and I sho' 'nuf knew I needed to move my bad self along from that feeling. I have 5 kids after all.
Now, don't think it was anything I did. I just happened to realize I couldn't stay terrified or catatonic and God made Himself very big in the whole situation enabling me to see the next right thing to do and say and provided the strength to do it.

My husband is now home. It seems to me he had the best kind of stroke he could have had.... God placed that clot smack dab in the center of balance and vomit central in his cerebellum and He made it small enough that his symptoms are being overcome daily. He is less weak every day. He is hardly dizzy anymore. He does not see double. He is no longer vomiting. He is able to eat and walk and talk with nearly no slurring. He does have to think about what used to be automatic and everything he does is much slower.
I am going to take him to Physical Therapy today and they will continue to work on him.
I mentioned feeling nothing but thankful...




  • So thankful for my son in law Grant, an ER nurse, being with him and taking care of him when he first fell.


  • So thankful for family and friends and practical expressions of love and prayers.


  • So thankful for the nurses and doctors.


  • My sister from TN, and ICU nurse, was with me to listen to the first visit with the Neurologist.


It is strangely beautiful to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that in the midst of a storm you and all you love are being safely Held.



Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Valentines Weekend Away

Just got back from a weekend away for the first time in two years. My husband and I enjoyed one another on all levels. We went walking in the woods twice over the weekend. I ate what I wanted and what my surgery would allow. I drank good wine, hot-tubbed under the stars, made leisurely breakfasts each morning, visited some great restaurants along the river, watched a movie or two and saw many bald eagles flying over the Mississippi in Prairie Du Chien.
I even came home to a pretty clean house...we have great kids!
So thankful!


Tuesday, February 14, 2012

the Sea Inside

Recently watched this movie....very profound. I would recommend it greatly!
I suppose I should share a bit more....Whatever you might feel about the right to die, I am sure this movie will bring out something from within you that you hadn't thought before.
My mother passed away many years ago. She chose to stop taking nourishment through her stomach tube and weighed less than 70 lbs when she died. She was a prisoner in her body, suffering from ALS. Her only means to communicate was blinking out concise messages to convey her needs. She had a sea inside of her...as we all do.
I, for whatever reasons, had a life experience where I had to help care for my mom's very physical needs and watch her die while in college. Receiving from her the gracious life lessons one would never wish to have to teach their own child has filled me and made me who I am.