a little less of me, please...

Grace is big, no matter how small.  

Let me be the one who extends "generous, free and totally unexpected and undeserved" grace.

Only through Jesus...

 

grace  

noun \ˈgrās\

1

a:  a spontaneous gift from God to man - "generous, free and totally unexpected and undeserved"

(The New Dictionary of Theology.  Dublin: Gill and Macmillan)

Cornerstone

Psalm 127

• The Lord builds the house.
• The Lord watches the city.
• The Lord gives to His beloved sheep.
• Children are a heritage from the Lord.

Young and raising 5 children, I felt as though this home we were making, this work we were doing, these children we were raising were ours, somehow. 
The future brings "a knowing" that I hadn't yet experienced.

It is the Lord who builds.

With love He gives us our children.  They are the slightest ripple of ourselves moving that much further out into life on the same trajectory and path our parents sent us.

Our children speak and act what they "know" and what they have learned, which is the path we've been Given, ultimately by Him, for Him and to Him. 

We are His house.(Heb 3:6)

Psalm 127 says children are like arrows. They go further and experience a wider view than we...

with eyes we've opened to newness and our falterings 

with hearts we've loved and sometimes failed 

with hands we've held and ultimately released 

they view with their own Faith, for which we've lived and died.

Daring to trust the Unseen, 

we forget our falterings and failures. 

When the ripple we ride subsides and melds into the vast Plan He has accomplished we are all His glory.  

"He is not put to shame when He speaks with His enemy at the gate". 

I thank you that you have answered me
    and have become my salvation.

The stone that the builders rejected
    has become the cornerstone.

This is the Lord's doing;
    it is marvelous in our eyes. (Ps 118:21-23)

In this truth we rest,
because of Jesus, the Cornerstone.

God is so big

Our church has become Redeemer Church Cedar Falls.

I appreciate the heart of my old (younger than me) pastor here.

• Brooks shared, and I too can see, that when it is SO different and difficult, these changes are evidence that this is God building HIS church not us.  
• We are growing, and that is to God's glory because of His Son.  
• Sacrificially at times, I need to Give myself over to this exciting, scary adventure unfolding before us.
• I need to pray. Pray. Pray...through the new and when I miss the old.
  
   
As one of our men said this last Sunday, about Kaio, and also about who we have become in Redeemer---"We are a church that begins and ends with Jesus."(by His Grace and with His strength) I am so thankful. May we never be a church built on any other name.

Follow up...

So yeah, I've been mostly free of "me" but yesterday I caught myself beginning to whine for attention.

surprises

This is undoubtedly God's blessing and His work, not necessarily identified by the difficulties and the way it isn't exactly "easy" but instead, by my giggle ---basically I smile like a fool in the midst of hardship, because of His presence.

I watch myself trusting His plan because I have learned intimately how my plans brought death and despair. 

There is joy where I now experience lack, because I remember how the bounty nearly broke me.

His ways are not my ways. Why am I always so surprised?

where next?

"And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place,  that they should seek God, and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us..."

As we wonder about our next dwelling, I love the way He shows me Himself.

My semester

Before my  9 am class every Tues/Thur I go to the local Panera for an hour to sit and enjoy myself after dropping off my daughter.

I have met the couple whose husband's health is declining and his humor just increases--Always a jolly "hello, this chair is open for you" invitation.

There is the table of seniors who share life...some married, most not. They pass stories and photographs while enjoying their toast and coffee.


There is usually a couple of senior guys at their own table, nonchalontly scanning the restaureant while discussing man things in their deep voices.


And
there is the great grandpa with the charming smile who comes over to me each week to flirt with me shamelessly. He brightens my morning with stories of his sassy, great-granddaughters, his troublemaking youth, his German speaking adoptive parents, his rich family life....


He calls me toots, and cutie,and beautiful. He discovered today I was a "frau" not a "fraulein" much to his "disappointment".
He mingles expletives, flirtations and hilarious stories with ease. Oh how the girls must have fallen for him and his Irish Catholic charm.
I think I need to take another class next semester! :)

Friends/Family/Family of God

I know what family is. I know the good of it and the bad of it. I know basically they are stuck with me and I am stuck with them----Whether we like it or not.

Perhaps I thought the family that God brought together was a rosy, glowy, better version of that.

"My brother and sister in Christ..." 

ya know?

The main difference between earthly families and "the Body of Christ" is Jesus. Because let's face it, the family Jesus has brought together is made of the same messy people.  

(Ephesians 4:9-16 ESV) 

He/Jesus
makes the Body...

He/Jesus
is the Head...

And He/Jesus
gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers,
(why did HE give us these giftings?) to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ,
(what does the "fullness of Christ" NOT look like?) so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes.
(what does that "fullness of Christ" look like?) Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way
into Him, who is the Head,
into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.

I've learned, when Jesus steps in, gently showing me the way He views things, it is always quite backwards-y. (from my human perspective). 
In a recent heartache, the Body of Christ that I am a part of changed and became something very different.

Jesus' perspective makes me dizzy and a bit catywompus, so I am glad He doesn't crash Truth on me in huge doses. 
My husband just had a stroke. It crashed in on Him and he said it felt like he was quite outside of Himself and looking in. He saw himself acting drunk (which he's never been). He saw himself having no control which I suppose is a pretty good description of how it feels when God gives me a glimpse into His Truth. 

whoa!! I'm really that "off", God??

The Body of Christ, that I am a part of, is being shifted 

into Christ like Paul tried to share to the Ephesians.

Not the way I would have imagined, because it involved the leaving of dear ones...with no explanation...with no warning.
But srangely enough, we who remain are now experiencing how
He is the one who has "joined and held us together". We are learning that
He is the one "equipping" us now and "enabling each of us to work properly". And we will continue to watch with great hope because of His faithfulness to see how
He will "make this body grow so that it builds itself up in LOVE."

PFO Article- NFL Draft Player

This is what they found in Randy's heart and will be fixing later in March...

Crazy medical technology stuff, no?

Tests

Early this week I had a big accounting test, and life of course, is a test.  Last time I had an accounting test I studied like crazy...and got a sty in my eye. This time a new sty appeared and I had an ongoing headache and anxiety.  
I found out that I got a 96% and instead of relief, I just felt like crying...

Funny how the verse I read that morning was Jesus' words:

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.

I have so much to learn.

What is ministry?

Our friend and pastor wove Randy's story and his most recent sermon series on Philippians into this beautiful blog entry. Read, be blessed and consider "ministry" anew...

1 Cor 13 for my sister's wedding

I shared this at my sister's wedding in our home 2/26/2012...

Randy and I are going on 25 years of marriage this May. It isn't because we know more than others whose marriages don't last that long, or we had our crap together more...(anyone who knows us knows that is not true.) We have failed each other and our children. We are not perfect and therefore won't offer advice or words of wisdom on how to "do" this thing called marriage.

But one thing I can say without hesitation...our lives together, our marriage, has been a vehicle to show us each more clearly God's grace in our lives.

Barb suggested I share the passage from 1 Corinthians on love.

" Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends."

Before this familiar passage, Paul also talked about life without real love --- What's sad is that this type of life can actually look pretty perfect from the outside.

"If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. (another version says clanging cymbals) If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love."

If I just shared with you about Randy and I and our nearly 25 years together, and left it at that. It might leave you feeling a little empty. Why? Because it is an example of those clanging cymbals Paul mentioned. Honestly, if I just read the passage on love alone it can be clanging cymbals too.

If I pointed to certain things you should "do" to have a successful marriage, it will all go nowhere and end up being just like the sound of a creaky gate...

This love is difficult... You know why? Because it is absolutely necessary and at the same time absolutely impossible. Wow, thanks Lori! That was inspiring! :)

Well here comes a little more inspiration...

Sometime in the future, when everything plays itself out and you go to that naturally selfish place and become ugly towards each other, or when you convince yourselves of how right you are and how much you deserve whatever you think you deserve and there seems to be a big gulf between you instead of this beautiful moment you are sharing today. You will want to know how to experience that impossible kind of love from 1 Cor 13 and The only true example of this kind of love was God's love for us through Jesus.

Listen to this story that Paul describes and see how it mirrors you when you are at a loss with someone you love. This however, is God's love story to us.

"It wasn't so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesn't know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief, and then exhaled disobedience. We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It's a wonder God didn't lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us."

Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! ... Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it.

Making up...reconciling is the best! It's a huge weight off of our hearts, right? God had to deal with our ugliness towards him because there wasn't anything we could do to make it all right. That is why there is hope...not just a lumpy couch to sleep on in the middle of a dark night, figuratively speaking.

So now what do we do with this love God has shown us...In Philippians Paul suggests something not too far from 1 Corinthians 13-

"If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.

Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn't think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn't claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death.

I have seen this in action. God's grace shines through Randy....I've even seen it shine through me at times. It is the only way we have experienced true love these 25 years- Him through us. I pray that for you.

Rock in my road

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You.  Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal."  Is 26:3-4

I used to read this verse and think I needed to try harder to have that "steadfast - forever trusting" kind of mind.

I'm Thanking Jesus today that He is the Rock in my road.

There is no trying on my part.

oh, how things can change!

Hard to believe that one weekend away my husband Randy and I were having a self proclaimed perfect weekend away.
One week later...4 days ago, Randy had a stroke.

I haven't really allowed myself to feel anything but thankfulness along the way. The initial terror I felt was nearly incapacitating and I sho' 'nuf knew I needed to move my bad self along from that feeling. I have 5 kids after all.
Now, don't think it was anything I did. I just happened to realize I couldn't stay terrified or catatonic and God made Himself very big in the whole situation enabling me to see the next right thing to do and say and provided the strength to do it.

My husband is now home. It seems to me he had the best kind of stroke he could have had.... God placed that clot smack dab in the center of balance and vomit central in his cerebellum and He made it small enough that his symptoms are being overcome daily. He is less weak every day. He is hardly dizzy anymore. He does not see double. He is no longer vomiting. He is able to eat and walk and talk with nearly no slurring. He does have to think about what used to be automatic and everything he does is much slower.
I am going to take him to Physical Therapy today and they will continue to work on him.
I mentioned feeling nothing but thankful...

• So thankful for my son in law Grant, an ER nurse, being with him and taking care of him when he first fell.



• So thankful for family and friends and practical expressions of love and prayers.



• So thankful for the nurses and doctors.



• My sister from TN, and ICU nurse, was with me to listen to the first visit with the Neurologist.

It is strangely beautiful to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that in the midst of a storm you and all you love are being safely Held.

Valentines Weekend Away

Just got back from a weekend away for the first time in two years. My husband and I enjoyed one another on all levels. We went walking in the woods twice over the weekend. I ate what I wanted and what my surgery would allow. I drank good wine, hot-tubbed under the stars, made leisurely breakfasts each morning, visited some great restaurants along the river, watched a movie or two and saw many bald eagles flying over the Mississippi in Prairie Du Chien.
I even came home to a pretty clean house...we have great kids!
So thankful!

the Sea Inside

Recently watched this movie....very profound. I would recommend it greatly!
I suppose I should share a bit more....Whatever you might feel about the right to die, I am sure this movie will bring out something from within you that you hadn't thought before.
My mother passed away many years ago. She chose to stop taking nourishment through her stomach tube and weighed less than 70 lbs when she died. She was a prisoner in her body, suffering from ALS. Her only means to communicate was blinking out concise messages to convey her needs. She had a sea inside of her...as we all do.
I, for whatever reasons, had a life experience where I had to help care for my mom's very physical needs and watch her die while in college. Receiving from her the gracious life lessons one would never wish to have to teach their own child has filled me and made me who I am.

Savior

I have this life...
It's full, it's practiced (I've lived it for nearly 46 years!), it's predictable, it includes different roles--Being a wife, being a mom, being an employee, being a friend, being a sister, being an aunt, being a daughter in law, etc.

I have this habit...
I naturally think I am the source of all strength, solutions, and sustenance. It's all-encompassing, never ending, and quite stubborn. I "humbly" receive counsel and seek input, knowing later that my judgement will prevail because who knows best, but me?

I have this God...
He touches on each and every relationship area of my life, in His time and for His glory. It ends up looking and feeling quite a bit like death. Which it is. "For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body." 

 God has this Gospel---this "Good News"...
"We know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus..." 

In small places, indiscernible to the naked eye,

I have this paradigm shift...
I am weak. Jesus is strong. I can't. Jesus can and did. I am fixed because He did the fixing.

My pastor and friend wrote:
"The gospel teaches us that no one fixes anyone; but Jesus paid for the fix with His blood, He does the fixing with His Spirit, and in the end, is still the only one completely fixed this side of Heaven." 

Jesus completed work is still saving me, my husband, my family, my co-workers, my pastor, my friends. What a Savior!

Reminding myself I'm clean

Mark 2


He went out again beside the sea, and all the crowd was coming to him, and he was teaching them. And as he passed by, he saw Levi the son of Alphaeus sitting at the tax booth, and he said to him, "Follow me." And he rose and followed him.

And as he reclined at table in his house, many tax collectors and sinners were reclining with Jesus and his disciples, for there were many who followed him. And the scribes of the Pharisees, when they saw that he was eating with sinners and tax collectors, said to his disciples, "Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?" And when Jesus heard it, he said to them, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners."



I read this recently and it dawned on me that Jesus isn’t speaking of those reclining at the table with him in a disparaging tone…He is, in essence, inviting the Pharisees to join Him, but first they need to realize they are sick too!


I heard Tullian Tchividjian share in his recent series on Grace that we so often think we have to DO DO DO our Christianity (Exactly like the Pharisees). This thinking ends one of two ways…pride (ie: sin) in how well we have done, or despair (faithlessness ie: sin), cuz we just “can’t get ‘er done”.

When will we realize, "It is finished" really means just that?
 
Mark continues...

Now John’s disciples and the Pharisees were fasting. And people came and said to him, “Why do John’s disciples and the disciples of the Pharisees fast, but your disciples do not fast?" And Jesus said to them, "Can the wedding guests fast while the bridegroom is with them? As long as they have the bridegroom with them, they cannot fast. The days will come when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and then they will fast in that day. No one sews a piece of unshrunk cloth on an old garment. If he does, the patch tears away from it, the new from the old, and a worse tear is made. And no one puts new wine into old wineskins. If he does, the wine will burst the skins—and the wine is destroyed, and so are the skins. But new wine is for fresh wineskins."

 The message of God’s grace is “new wine for fresh wineskins”.

Attempting to attach True grace to works-based Christianity will only prolong the misleading notion that we somehow have a part in our redemption.
 We tend to forget the order of things concerning our salvation.

1. It’s God’s gift (we ALL need it, tax collectors and Pharisees alike)


2. It’s not our works (Hello!? We all try to sneak this method by…some for much loooonger than others)


3. We’ve been created IN Christ Jesus for good works
 4. Rinse, repeat.

Need a book to read?

Wow...I was touched by the restraint the author used to show such profound themes, emotion and character development.  Highly recommend this one!

a lot o' Lamott

Anne Lamott fiction...I think I've read them all this spring and summer.

Common themes... Raw, honest brokenness. True community. Grace. Humor.

If I were to write a review...
Her writing deliciously meanders and then she sneaks a breath-taking nugget in the mix. I pause, smile and sip my coffee.